Alton Brown's great trick for asparagus

When asparagus is in season, I have one simple mission: Get as much of it in me as possible. This year, I might have time to get enough. The fresh, local asparagus turned up at the Charlotte Regional Farmers Market last week.

How to cook it without getting bored? I usually roast it (toss the stalks with a little olive oil, sea salt and pepper in a single layer in a shallow pan and slide it in the oven for 10 or 15 minutes at 375.) Or I pan-roast it: Put in a cast-iron skillet with 2 tablespoons oil and 2 tablespoons water, cover and simmer for 5 to 8 minutes, until the water cooks away and the asparagus is finishing in the oil.

Both are fine. But I wanted more. Sometimes, I don't want to heat up the oven, or the top of the stove is busy with other things. I was wasting time -- um, doing research -- one day last week when I stumbled on a video by Alton Brown on the best way to microwave asparagus.

I tried his method twice this weekend and darned if Geek Guy isn't right. It's pretty much foolproof and it yields asparagus that is sweet and grassy, with just enough crunch left.

You can watch his video below, or I'll spare you all the flipping camera tricks and just tell you how to do it:
1. Pour 1/4 cup water into a shallow plate.

2. Take 2 paper towels (he says 3 or 4, but I only needed 2), fold them up to fit in the plate and place them on the plate, turning to soak up all the water.

3. Unfold the very wet paper towels and place your trimmed asparagus on it in a single layer. (He says a pound, but it works for smaller amounts.)

4. Sprinkle with salt -- kosher, sea or regular. About 1/2 teaspoon for 1 pound, a little less for less.

5. Roll up the asparagus in the paper towels. Place in the microwave.

6. Zap for 3 to 4 minutes, depending on the thickness of the spears. (3:30 was perfect for fatter spears; skinny ones probably only need 2:30). Unroll and eat.

Thanks, Alton.

Alton Brown's Mint Julep: Boo, Colonel

OK, I'll admit that Alton Brown does a pretty amusing version of Col. Sanders. But his mint julep is shameful. Muddle your mint until it looks like pesto? Serve it in a rocks glass -- with big rocks of ice instead of crushed ice? Top it with seltzer like it's a mojito? Alton, sugar, you bring shame upon the Southland.

My husband does it the right way, with simple syrup, lightly bruised mint and crushed ice. Oh, and silver julep cups, of course.

Spring may be flirting with us like knickers under a hoop skirt, but we have plenty of mint up in our yard, ready to go into service in time for Kentucky Derby on Saturday. We've been practicing our juleps since late February, just to make sure we're ready to go.

Wayne's Mint Julep -- The Right Way

Put 1/2 ounce sugar syrup and a half-dozen fresh mint leaves in a metal cup. (Preferably silver, but even a pewter goblet or an aluminum cup will do.)

Bruise the leaves GENTLY with a wooden muddler or long-handled spoon. Add 2 ounces bourbon. Fill the cup with crushed ice and a mint sprig. Add a splash of cold water if you like (not carbonated water or selter). Sip slowly through a tiny straw.