Ode to rare burgers

My column this morning about the rule against rare hamburgers reminded my colleague Mary Newsom of a famous entry in The Observer's annual limerick contest.

It was entered in 1997 by William E. Little Jr. And Mary is right - it certainly deserves to be read again. Perhaps while standing on a table at The Diamond with a PBR in hand:


Swill gin 'til you fall off your chair
With cigarettes pollute the air
But what can't you do
'Cause it's bad for you?
You can't have a cheeseburger rare.

You can rassle a lion in his lair
Go skateboarding, down a long stair
All perfectly lawful
Not nearly so awful
As having a cheeseburger rare.

Live your life with your own certain flair
Panache, cutting-edge, savoir-faire.
Drink red wine with fish
If that's what you wish
But you can't have a cheeseburger rare.

It's almost too much to bear
Is this meat from a moose or a mare?
Top round or chuck's
Like a hockey puck
If you can't have your cheeseburger rare.